marriage

Most of us are on our best behavior when we enter a relationship. Fights are rare, we’ll drop everything to take a phone call from them, and we can’t imagine our feelings ever changing. But fast forward to five years into marriage, and things have become a lot more comfortable, maybe even too comfortable. Once we’ve walked down the aisle and signed the marriage certificate, we don’t hold ourselves up to the same standards we did while dating.

We take our spouses for granted, disrespecting them in small ways and before we know it, our once idealistic marriage is heading for a divorce. When a marriage breaks down, it doesn’t always come from a huge event like an affair, it can be more like Chinese water torture, where we wear each other down slowly and painfully over years by adopting bad habits, or not giving our best selves to the relationship. If you’ve noticed your marriage is in a slump, consider whether you are guilty of the following behaviors.

You’re More Critical than Kind

Throughout the course of a marriage, there will be many occasions when you feel the need to criticize your spouse. No matter how well-intentioned the advice is, if it’s delivered unkindly, it will be more hurtful than helpful. Practice being kind, even when you’re frustrated, and your spouse will be more receptive to your advice. Continue Reading →

Some couples see marriage as the beginning of a journey during which they will come to better know and love each other every day. Others prefer to have a clearer view of the path on which they are about to embark. Toward that goal, couples should take the time to explore some basic issues which will confront nearly all married couples. These are some of the more important discussions for persons about to marry.

Money and Finances. Financial issues are a leading cause of divorce. People about to join their lives should discuss if and how they will join their finances. Spending habits and the existence of current debt should be disclosed. Disclosure of all financial accounts is a must. Keeping a secret bank account is sure way to deal a serious blow to the marriage once the account is discovered. Couples should determine if they will share joint credit cards and bank accounts and whether income from all sources will be combined.

Other important issues include how much each might contribute financially to purchase of a home or car, whether retirement accounts will be established and how each views saving, investing and long-term financial goals. Feelings about lending money to family members, living within a set monthly budget and how much debt is acceptable are also worthy of conversation. Continue Reading →

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