New Jersey Divorce Lawyer Blog
Going through a divorce can be one of the most difficult things that you will ever experience in life. In addition to being consumed by feelings of anger, disbelief, and/or sadness, you must go through the stressful process of breaking up your marriage, family, and assets. While some couples can face divorce with civility and maturity, unfortunately that is not often the case. However, the most important thing for you is to face the divorce process with confidence to make sure that you come out on the other side a better, stronger person.
Understand Your Legal Rights
Facing the divorce process with confidence starts by understanding your rights. For example, your ex-spouse might want everything: the house, full custody of the kids, and more than their fair share of support. However, just because your ex wants those things, it does not mean that you are legally required to agree to all those terms. The best way to fully understand your rights, as well as your state’s divorce laws, is to consult with a divorce attorney.
Don’t Fall into Despair
While some marriages end amicably, most divorces are very painful. In addition to the couple splitting up, it can be quite painful for kids and other family members too. If your marriage ended unexpectedly, you might go through stages of denial and disbelief. Anger and guilt are other common feelings that people experience during a divorce as well. Even though these are normal feelings to have after a broken marriage, you want to make sure that your life does not fall into despair. Just because your marriage ends, does not mean that is the end of your life and happiness. Therefore, no matter how bad you feel, no matter how much you might feel like giving up, you must find reasons to live. If you have children, think about them. You can also look at your divorce to start over in life with a fresh perspective on things. Nothing will hurt your confidence worse than allowing yourself to fall into despair.
Maintain Your Health and Well-Being
Following along the same lines as not allowing yourself to fall into despair, you must also not neglect your health and overall well-being. There is a good chance that you might be under a lot of stress, as well as feeling depressed. Oftentimes, people overeat to make themselves feel better when they are stressed or unhappy. Unfortunately, gaining a lot of weight is not going to make you feel better, nor will it be good for your health. You should avoid excessive drinking and other unhealthy vices as well. Instead, you should try exercising – even if it is just walking or jogging. In fact, going for a walk/jog is not only good for your physical health, it can help your mental well-being by giving you a chance to clear your mind while enjoying fresh air outdoors – which is also good for you. When you are healthy, you feel more confident.
Keep Your Self-Esteem High
It is not uncommon for your self-esteem to take a blow after your marriage ends. That is why you need to work hard to keep your spirits high to face your divorce with the confidence that you will need to get through it. You might blame yourself for your failed marriage. Therefore, you should have compassion for yourself. If your ex was verbally abusive to you, it is likely that your self-esteem has been taking a hit for a while. Do not blame yourself for their problems and negativity.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People
Another way to keep your self-esteem and confidence high during the divorce process is to surround yourself with positive friends and family members. Find people in your life who make you feel good about yourself. You need to spend time with those who can offer you good emotional support. However, do not spend all your time with others badmouthing your ex and complaining about negative circumstances. Find happy things to talk about too. You should also try to make new friends – especially if some of your old friends are close to your ex.
Avoid Negative People
You need to avoid negative people who will only make you feel worse about your failed marriage. As mentioned above, you do not want to spend every moment of your life dwelling on and badmouthing your ex, because doing so will only make you feel worse. Furthermore, your confidence will suffer just when you need it to be strongest. Unfortunately, it can be hard to avoid negative people sometimes. For example, colleagues at work might want to ask you a bunch of nosy questions about your divorce. The best thing to do is to just politely tell them that you do not wish to discuss it at work.
Seek Professional Support
Finally, even the most optimistic person with supportive friends and family can have a hard time keeping their confidence high during their divorce. Therefore, it is okay to seek professional help if you need it. For instance, many people find that they need counseling or therapy after a failed marriage. That is totally fine and nothing to be ashamed about. You might consider joining a divorce recovery group if you are having an especially difficult time dealing with your failed marriage and its aftermath.
In short, to successfully face your divorce, you need strength and confidence to fully understand and exercise your rights. No matter how sad/disappointed you might feel, do not let it make you feel hopeless. Try to make healthy choices to protect your health and well-being. Your self-confidence is often tied to your self-esteem, so keep your spirits high. You will likely need lots of support from positive, caring friends and family members. However, you should limit your contact with negative people who will just make you feel worse about yourself and further hurt your confidence. Lastly, do not be afraid to seek professional help from someone like a counselor, therapist, or even a divorce recovery group. If you have any questions about the New Jersey divorce process, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen for a consultation at (201) 845-7400
